we have officially lost it.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
