my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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