please come you make the beer taste better
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
