fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize