I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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