So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
