Cold hands, warm shart.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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