My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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