He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
