We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
