you turned your livingroom into a bong?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
