Do you still have your period?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
