I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Holy sore nipples Batman
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
