i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
