ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
