So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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