STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
