: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
