Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
