I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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