last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
