I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My bed smells like the plague
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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