another moral hangover. fuck.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
