I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
