I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm just crazy horny about you
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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