Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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