you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
