come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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