I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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