i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
