I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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