Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
