You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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