i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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