you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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