she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Nicole vs. Life
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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