i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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