the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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