I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
