just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
