You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
