I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
