my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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