this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.