What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.