too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
