Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
