I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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