I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
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Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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