you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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