You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
