There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
