Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
