Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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