I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize