i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
