Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
