you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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