i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
