How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
