girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
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apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
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I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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