did you get engaged???
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
COCAINE IS GR8
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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