so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
