i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
