Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
