So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
