so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
