well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
