Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
