My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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