Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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