I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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